Recently, things hae been going a little off-track for me on every single aspect of life. Some of which, I will discuss, some, it’s probably a better idea not to.

What started out pretty good, I must say - my first year in the IB diploma I’m not afraid to say that I was quite a good hardworking student, organized even. But then, after the holiday, I’ve been running dry, completely dry. So, what do I do, I ask myself, if I’m not producing any art, not producing any writing, not “producing” grades and not doing anything worth doing.

Maybe I should just do something robotic that requires little thinking for a while, just to get things right again. “I think too much.”

Just the other day, I was working on a certain work of art, the first one I like in quite a long while. My art teacher then caught sight of it. He liked it.

“Ah! I like this.” He said. Of course, he can’t just tell me it’s “crap”, and he didn’t say it’s very “conceptual”, so I think I’m pretty much safe.

“Just ignore the crop box, and everything outside it. It’s supposed to be fifty-by-seventy.”

“No! You got it all wrong!” he exclaimed and examined the messy “unfinished” product.

“But then it’s too messy, I need to change it, and I mean, the whole…” I went searching for words, “composition, and colors.”

He just shook his head and told me the strangest thing, coming out of him that is: “You create something good, and then you start thinking about it, intellectualizing it, and then you just start going wrong.” That’s it.

Yes, theory does destroy you, sure, but as long as you can disconnect from it, fine, go ahead, I figured. Back in the day, before I had the whip of the IB Visual Arts curriculum and examination, I would just “do” what I felt like and not think about what I need to write in my stupid developmental workbook. I’m one step closer to the bonfire, this time holding the developmental workbook.

Suppose I went to see concerts, eventually reaching a state where my hearing will degrade to the point at which I can’t really hear much. Suppose Would I keep going to loud concerts? Well, my hearing will degrade even further, or possibly, there’s an alternative. Earplugs.

In search of earplugs.

I would have to find a clever solution to my problem, something to do with being able to disconnect myself. I decided that the solution will have to conform to these basic criteria:

1. It must not develop a dependence.
2. It must not be illegal.
3. It must not corrode my brain, limit my capacity or undermine my future.

I do realize that I’m facing a major challenge here, and I really don’t know what to do, but here are some possible problems I could suggest as to why I’m in this awful “creative block”.

The IB curriculum itself. Could it be that it’s causing this crippling condition? Could I be unable to deal with some of the obstacles it lays in my path? Unfortunately, a solution will

Lack of positive stimulus from “good” academics and creativity, plenty of positive stimulus from unproductive, “self destructive” habits. I haven’t quite had anyone tell me what a good job I did, nobody tells me to keep working. The kind of person I am, I always attempt to work “for” others. I could be a great secretary, as long as I get tasks sent in my way all the time, and they’re for other people who expect me to do them, not from a vague organization, and not “for myself.” Perhaps I “need someone” to put some pressure on me and pat me on the head every time I do some good work. It worked last May, it’ll work again.

My current creative outlets and inlets are fine, but I how about the old ones? How about I try returning to old creative outlets in inlets. Maybe I should go back to creative writing, make myself do it. Or maybe even coding? One thing for sure, I better start reading literature again (that’s what I mean by “creative inlet”, don’t bother looking it up - I made it up). Perhaps the beauty of their complexity will get my gears going again and make me productive, just like in the good old days.

Diet, sleep and lack of caffeine. If I wasn’t short on cash, I would have considered buying a pack of coffee tablets today. I need to bring the coffee machine in the lounge back to an operating condition, and begin consuming caffeine in hopes of it improving my academic performance (pffft!) and creativity. Additionally, my diet’s been all wrong, and with little sleep, I think it’s a dangerous mix. Fixing these might be a good idea.

Meditation. I was told it could potentially help, I don’t know though. I’ll have to do some research.

Sessions with a psychologist. Yes, I’m pushing towards that - I’ll get it at some point, I’m sure.

I might as well just do all of them, ah?

Tagged as: art, life, school

Note: After receiving some feedback from - yes - a teacher, about this post I decided to put this little note here. I’m not going to remove this post, because I really did mean to post it, but please check out my disclaimer, “nothing here is true.” Additionally, I have ADD.

“Oh no, I have an essay tomorrow… and then I have my math homework… and then <something else>”. I hear that every now and then. No, sorry. All the time. People keep telling me just how “stressed” they are. They complain, whine, tell me how miserable they are. O NOEZ IM STRESSED.

Me, personally, I’m subjected to more or less the same amount of work. Am I stressed? Not really. How come? Easy:

I don’t let it disrupt other areas of my life.

If “stress” going to make me even more suicidal than now, maybe I should do less work. Yep, I do that.

I have hobbies, sure, and I don’t want to give up on them, and I don’t. On Xfire it says I played about 30 hours of World of Warcraft in the past 7 days. Note, I don’t feel stressed and I get about as much work as anyone else around here. How come I’m not feeling any stress, let’s see.

I’m naturally calm, I’d say. My cousin has this really awful dog, still does probably, and I remember how I was pretty much the only person around who’d get the damn thing to calm down. This anti-stress energy is just radiating from me. Yes, you could say I’m hypoactive. Note: Nowadays I try not to think about this dog, her hair is amazingly similar to that of an ex of mine (whom I had previously mentioned in the blog)

Tip 1: Skip the fucking readings

Nobody, nobody cares if you read the stuff you’re supposed to. Sure, it’s generally a good idea, but my social anthropology and English teachers talk about the material so much that there’s no real use in actually reading it. They’ll talk about it anyway, so you don’t have to read it.

Tip 2: Audiobooks

Me personally, I have a serious problem. Even if I did read something, I would very often not understand it, not be able to spit out raw facts from the text, not be able to process it, etc. It happens very often, don’t even know why. Audio seems to work much better with me. So what I do is pirate audiobooks and “read” those instead. And that works for me.

Tip 3: If it’s “good enough”, it really is, good enough

Don’t perfect everything! What are you, a Chinese sweatshop worker? Just do something rough that gets you an acceptable grade. Perfection is too much for anyone. No, don’t do a half assed job, just do something acceptable.

Tip 4: Ungraded homework = unimportant

Just in case you didn’t realize it yet, you are at university/school for one reason: a number (or letter in some places). Don’t do ungraded homework! What’s the point?

I hope this guide helps you accomplish the minimum possible. Have fun, take some ritalin, and just really, do the minimum. It’s better for your mental health, I guess.

Tagged as: add, annoying, ib, productivity, ritalin, school, waste-of-time

Here I am sitting waiting for class to start. I’m sitting in the classroom, all the different parties are present, but the class, unfortunately, was yet to begin.

But wait, if I’m here, and the classroom is theoretically in “class mode”, but there’s no class going on. Why? The teacher’s busy checking homework.

Yes. Checking homework. I’m on my second year of IB, and my standard level biology teacher, believe it or not, gives and checks homework, ungraded homework. Being ungraded, they do not enter our records, they do not count for my internal assessment, the IBO does not know about them, the Vade Mecum does not mention them. In other words, by doing the homework, I’ll be pushing a rock up a mountain for no reason.

Isn’t the whole IB diploma supposed to make me an independant learner? Well, in that case, why am I being guided like an eight grader?

Instead of doing the usual lecture type presentation, with a few slides in the background and me writing notes and possibly asking questions, I’m stuck sitting in a room with a frustrated teacher treating a bunch of kids like they don’t know how to tie their own shoelaces and need guidance. They of course, refuse to be “guided” this way and instead end up not doing the homework. In turn, the teacher becomes frustrated, the students become frustrated with the teacher, and precious time is wasted.

How about that, my own learning should be in my hands. The teacher should provide me with information, which I will review at my own pace.

Oh, look, I’m 30 minutes into the lesson and no lecture, no presentation, only old questions! Great! No sign of it starting any time soon.

I really don’t get it. All I want is just to get this piece of paper, not work my ass off for no reason.

Tagged as: annoying, biology, ib, life, school, waste-of-time