Posts Tagged ‘productivity’

04
Feb
11:47

Me vs. Work

To reasonably accurately describe the way I felt about that job, Kafka’s The Castle comes to mind. That is, I felt powerless against the oddly clueless bureaucracy which (somewhat innocently so) serves as the root of the problem.

My job was to hand out shopping carts to costumers at the tax free store in the Ben-Gurion airport. Either that or “guarding” the exit, which primarily involved telling people where the entrance was, that they shouldn’t leave with the cart and where various facilities were located.

The goal of each and every actor in this charade had been to subject the docile minds of weak travelers to as many temptations as possible. For instance, the store’s manager had ordered for the passage between the tobacco section and the checkout to be conveniently obstructed by shopping carts, hence forcing smokers to take the long way around and hopefully buy a few things on the way. It looked like a supermarket, one where excess was displayed as a necessity and sold as if within anyone’s reach, if only they wanted it.

It was another day apart from the incident with the carpool which never arrived. I stood by the entrance, dispirited, broken and demotivated to do anything. Not that I needed to. Saturday mornings aren’t exactly ever full. The alcohol salesman approached me and, slumped over a shopping cart, he complained endlessly, praising himself. Poured his heart out on me like those liquor samples he was to give out. His stories were, without a doubt, over the top. Tall-tales he conjured, though not all of it I would imagine. How he worked as a bartender at one club or the other and that the entire town knew him. About how he “did” Swedes in Thailand and how he used to work in telemarketing.

I truly did not want to believe most of it. The part with the 13,000 shekel salaries in particular. And to think he was working on 24 shekel an hour plus commissions (and evidently didn’t sell much).

Complaints about the economy came and kept coming and by the end of it I felt bitter myself and began to question why I was there as well.

When I told him about my experiences with the carpool that morning he answered, “they’re stupid. They’re animals. It’s a dead end” and I didn’t argue. He was right after all. The drivers were those marginal leftovers that entered the workforce regardless of their utter lack of professionalism. It was enough for their accents to give that detail away, and I almost felt a hatred for them for having them – though I know, that’s just a convenient thing I can blame.

We and the drivers were both prole trash. But we weren’t on the same team. We hated them, and they hated us, and with such passion. Hard working men who didn’t give two shits whether I got to work or not, just as long as they could get paid. Did they even have free time?

A woman, maybe in her late twenties, a smoker, with the same light blue sweatshirt every day shared my woes at times in trying to make sense of this situation. Asked me if I wanted to share a cab once, but I brushed that off. I simply don’t have the money, it’s quite simple. The perfume promotion worker – a tall Romanian who was equally unhappy as I was about being a victim to this system had unlike myself a useful way to vent her anger. She told me how she on her first day of work gave a little bit of “straight-talkin’” to the driver on how he should watch his tone with her.

“People like that have no limits. You’ve got to draw the line.”
I shrugged and said, “I just try to let it go.”
“But you can’t let it go!”

I would have told her she was right, but I knew I couldn’t do it myself at the same time. I had to either soak the blows or avoid them altogether. But knowing myself for long enough, as much as I’d like to spit in their face and kick them in the eye, that never would have happened. At least not to their face.

The way it worked, my schedule for the next day or so will be sent out to the drivers and their respective companies and thus I will be put down on a list. The pickup location I chose, though, did not actually exist. That is, it showed up on the list of locations given to me, but if I wanted it I would simply be dropped from the lists for the way back and occasionally for pick-up too.

And so one day I made up my mind and decided to change my pick-up location to a different one. The “deputy” referred me to the shift manager. When I spoke to him, he said he would fix it temporarily, and told me to talk to someone who can only be reached during office hours for a “permanent solution”. But since it’s a Saturday, I have to wait until Sunday – office hours in particular – and speak to one of the two women in charge. Both of which had ridiculously similar names and functions. Lee and Lee-at. The latter was described as a “revengeful bitch” by the aforementioned alcohol salesman. Or it may have been the other – I quite frankly don’t know as they practically have the same name and job description.

He never actually did that “temporary solution” and I was dropped from the list on the way back, along with four others.

By the time I managed to get to one of the similarly named clerks, it was technically speaking the wrong one, and that took two days as well as she was in meetings (who would a lowly clerk meet?), generally unavailable (i.e. not answering the phone) and mysteriously gone (not in the office). That link between my employers and the carpool service was impenetrable to me.

Calling Bontour directly resulted in being shoved aside very rudely so and be referred to See & Tour, a different company. Though the logos on the side of the car did say Bontour, it’s unclear to me why. See & Tour gave me the same treatment. Some rude secretary answered the phone, gave me the usual “I don’t know” sorts of answers and rudely hung up on me. I recommend neither of these companies solely due to their employees’ lack of professionalism, repulsive behavior and failures to simply do their job. Getting me from point A to point B and back.

The carpool failed to come again. Or maybe it did come, except not to where I stood since the list failed to come through as intendede again and left me there twenty minutes before work wondering where the hell was my ride to the airport and how was I supposed to get there?

I called the shift manager, whose line was busy for some time, who told me to wait. I waited for a call back, and when it came, the answer was, “he was there at 18:03, you weren’t. There was also a bookstore worker there, but who knows. The only thing you can do is try to get here on your own.”

I tried to explain how there was no such way. I didn’t have a car, no money for a taxi and hardly even a train (which would have taken an hour as well). I said I can’t do that unless they stop pulling that shit on me. Except I used much nicer words.

I shouldn’t have, I should have just punched her in the face through the phone somehow.

The job itself, disregarding any flaky systems to get me there and back is just barely under the threshold of enjoyable. The costumers don’t hate you (though that’s because I wasn’t a cashier, who probably get more flak).

I speak of it in past tense and it saddens me to think that I may end up coming back to it after all. And it worries me to think I “have” to get along with these inferior types. Unfortunately, as someone who holds grudges, perhaps I ought to find something else to do.

06
Sep
14:13

Stress is a State of Mind

Note: After receiving some feedback from – yes – a teacher, about this post I decided to put this little note here. I’m not going to remove this post, because I really did mean to post it, but please check out my disclaimer, “nothing here is true.” Additionally, I have ADD.

“Oh no, I have an essay tomorrow… and then I have my math homework… and then <something else>”. I hear that every now and then. No, sorry. All the time. People keep telling me just how “stressed” they are. They complain, whine, tell me how miserable they are. O NOEZ IM STRESSED.

Me, personally, I’m subjected to more or less the same amount of work. Am I stressed? Not really. How come? Easy:

I don’t let it disrupt other areas of my life.

If “stress” going to make me even more suicidal than now, maybe I should do less work. Yep, I do that.

I have hobbies, sure, and I don’t want to give up on them, and I don’t. On Xfire it says I played about 30 hours of World of Warcraft in the past 7 days. Note, I don’t feel stressed and I get about as much work as anyone else around here. How come I’m not feeling any stress, let’s see.

I’m naturally calm, I’d say. My cousin has this really awful dog, still does probably, and I remember how I was pretty much the only person around who’d get the damn thing to calm down. This anti-stress energy is just radiating from me. Yes, you could say I’m hypoactive. Note: Nowadays I try not to think about this dog, her hair is amazingly similar to that of an ex of mine (whom I had previously mentioned in the blog)

Tip 1: Skip the fucking readings

Nobody, nobody cares if you read the stuff you’re supposed to. Sure, it’s generally a good idea, but my social anthropology and English teachers talk about the material so much that there’s no real use in actually reading it. They’ll talk about it anyway, so you don’t have to read it.

Tip 2: Audiobooks

Me personally, I have a serious problem. Even if I did read something, I would very often not understand it, not be able to spit out raw facts from the text, not be able to process it, etc. It happens very often, don’t even know why. Audio seems to work much better with me. So what I do is pirate audiobooks and “read” those instead. And that works for me.

Tip 3: If it’s “good enough”, it really is, good enough

Don’t perfect everything! What are you, a Chinese sweatshop worker? Just do something rough that gets you an acceptable grade. Perfection is too much for anyone. No, don’t do a half assed job, just do something acceptable.

Tip 4: Ungraded homework = unimportant

Just in case you didn’t realize it yet, you are at university/school for one reason: a number (or letter in some places). Don’t do ungraded homework! What’s the point?

I hope this guide helps you accomplish the minimum possible. Have fun, take some ritalin, and just really, do the minimum. It’s better for your mental health, I guess.

08
Jun
11:40

Trying out Ritalin

Introduction

For a while now, I’ve been complaining about my attention span slowly shortening and trapping me inside myself. In previous blog posts, I think I made that point very clear.

The trouble I was having recently prompted me to considering giving Ritalin a try. And so this fine morning I decided to do just that. Getting hold of it was easy, as my brother has a prescription.

I took a single 10mg Ritalin dose at around 08:30 shortly after waking up. What mostly scared me was having read that Ritalin might cause psychosis in some individuals. Those claims were probably bogus. And at any rate, no psychosis here.

Since I had today off, and I need to study for my exams, today was the natural choice.

Every few minutes, whenever I was doing something significant or changing tasks or so on, I made a note of it including a time stamp.

The experiment

08:34 – I took 10mg of Ritalin. The minimum I have around the house. My brother takes 10mg every day 20mg slow-release every schoolday, and so I realized that it can’t be that bad if I took one on this specific occasion. (Health-wise.)

08:43 – So far I don’t believe the effects have kicked in. I feel just about the same.

09:10 – I realized that there’s no way the pill hasn’t kicked in yet, and so I’m going to try to sit down and read a book and see what my experience is.

09:50 – I came back from reading for a straight 40 minutes. I could have even went on for another 40 minutes, but eventually gave up. It seems like the pill is definitely affecting me and I certainly feel less restless. I would however like to check my brother’s complaints regarding not being able to laugh, a certain numbness. [note: I stopped because I reached the end of the chapter.]

I feel no urge to actually go to eat. I feel physically hungry, but no real urge to go eat. This is probably part of the pill’s influence on me, I presume.

I read with great concentration, unlike anything I’ve had in the past few months. Kind of sad, considering that I am on Schedule II drugs. I found myself analyzing the characters and deducing a lot about their behavior, personality and so forth.

10:15 – I just finished watching an episode of Futurama. Concentrating was easy, and I did not switch focus back to other applications all the while. I paid close attention to the movie, and my sitting posture was in fact proper.

I feel slightly strange around the chest and upper back. Though I believe this is because I’m not used to actually sitting up straight for this long (~40 minutes at a time). At the moment I’m still keeping the same posture with relatively no effort. The only thing which distracted me was an alert from Growl, telling me that somebody had sent me a message.

In other words, the only distractions out there were really just external stimuli. Otherwise, keeping a clear mind is ridiculously easy.

Although the jokes in Futurama usually fit my taste, I only laughed very briefly, and very often although I did get the joke I remained for the most part unaffected.

Now I think I will attempt to rewrite my social anthropology paper, as I’ve been putting it off for a long time now.

11:06 – I have been working nonstop on my anthropology paper since the last report. This is absolutely remarkable. I did not feel the need to check my email or see who is online. I’ve been working without any music in the background either, which is rare and remarkable.

I have decided to take a short break, although I could probably go on concentrating like this for a long time.

I don’t think I was ever this productive in years – and since I am doing IB now, and this draft is long overdue (it’s an internal deadline thankfully), this is most definitely working for me.

11:13 – I forced myself to go to the kitchen and have something to eat. While I am feeling physically hungry, mentally I don’t feel like eating anything. I had some cucumber, but even that was forced. My interest in sex is very low at the moment, that is to say that I can’t even take the slightest interest in it. And although I would experiment and try to find interest in it, I simply find myself doing something mildly uninteresting, but at least I can pay attention to it.

If this is what normal people are like the whole time, only now do I begin to understand how bad my disability actually is.

11:23 – It’s noteworthy to say that it feels as if time goes much faster. I start writing something, and the next thing I know I’ve been doing so for two minutes without even knowing.

12:03 – I finished watching another episode of Futurama. Again, no real distractions. Although the window is open and I live right above a major artery in the area with a high traffic volume, the noise didn’t seem to bother me a lot.

I’m still hungry, and I think it might be affecting my concentration. I will force myself to eat something and have a glass of water.

Maybe I’ll finish another chapter in the book.

12:19 – I worked on the draft for a while more, considering to go down to 7-11 to get me something to eat. I might as well do that, but before that I need to make a phone call.

12:38 – I called my dad and talked to him about how it feels to be under the influence of Ritalin. My brother takes 20mg, but for some reason we also have 10mg. That said, I caused no harm by taking that pill.

My appetite is coming back to me, and my hunger is worse than it was before. My concentration is fluctuating. Anyway, I’ll go get me something to eat and see what I can do with my time afterwards.

Since the pill should affect me for about 3-4 hours, it probably wore off already.

12:56 – I’m done eating. I’ll try to sit down and read a book to see whether I can actually do it. While eating I started recalling all sorts of songs, which would usually happen to me a lot during the day, and in retrospect it didn’t seem to occur to me back when the pill was still affecting me.

Strangely enough, I only checked for new online messages maybe 3 times. Usually I would end up checking for new messages every 10 minutes or even more frequently. This is surprising, especially now, as I am waiting for a reply from a certain person.

I’m still in two minds about taking Ritalin, and I will have to talk to a professional about it. I was also never actually diagnosed with ADD. Weird, I should say, because I have the exact same symptoms.

The urge to listen to music, which was not present a while ago, seems to bother me now.

Conclusion

Yes, it works. I’m pretty much done with all the work I had to do, and I managed to do things which otherwise I would never have done without great amounts of willpower.

At the moment of writing this conclusion, I’m doing about 3 other things.

I’m considering very seriously to go get a prescription of my own and starting to take it on a regular basis. Or maybe just for exams? Or something, I don’t know.

I still haven’t really felt any depression or aggression or any of the reported side-effects. Maybe to do with taking only 10mg and not 20mg.

Interesting to see how the length of the notes changes over time. From the very brief ones in the beginning of the experiment to the later, longer and more descriptive notes later on.

Maybe the reason why I was never diagnosed as having ADD is because instead of doing something else physically other than working I would just think about something else and look as if I’m still working. Happens to me a lot that I start reading something, think about something else, and come back to the text not actually knowing what I was doing the whole time.

As I said before, my attention span is at an all-time low. It comes and goes with waves, productivity that is.

It comes and goes in waves.