Tenth grade was the worst two years (edit: yes, two years) of my life. It completely alienated me from others, and made me consider suicide. Which I never actually committed, evidently, I’m here blogging myself to death. Ta-da.

Organization is not a learned “skill.” It’s not a “skill” to begin with. It’s about spending time dealing with bureaucracy and the paper-hell in advance. In my experience, it saves practically no time whatsoever.

Unfortunately, I seem to have this self destructive tendency to work great under pressure. If Dushkin works great under pressure, Dushkin will try to push self to edge, Dushkin will create stress for Dushkin to finish work. In other words, I procrastinate on purpose.

“Know thyself” my ass. It’s obviously self-destructive, and mazochistic. One of my incompatible wishes somewhere down in my id, to only work under pressure.

Organization detached me from the rest of the world. You start reading self improvement books, working on things in pieces, and the next thing you know, there’s a distance between you and the rest of the world and you just can’t do anything about it. A thin membrane will seperate you from your peers, parents, “community” and friends. “Sorry, can’t talk now, I’m busy.”

By decompressing your work, you leave yourself practically no time to do other things which are, probably, more important. When you do have the time, you will realize that your “friends” have already gotten into the habbit of not inviting you to social gatherings (of whatever nature.)

Reversing the situation is theoretically impossible. For instance, my birthday “party.” I invited various people, out of which two people came, and one uninvited guest, another one arrived an hour and a half late and insisted on leavingbecome midnight for a total of about 1 hour of actually doing anything. The other three decided it’ll be a great idea to go smoke pot, although I made it very clear that I have no interest in it. The whole thing ended at around 11:40 pm.

I timed it, phoned all the parties that needed to be phoned, passed emails around, begged, and wrote everything down. When it came to the practical stage, nothing went as planned.

It crossed a certain line when I began planning social interaction and trying to make sense of my world using the calendar. After two very long phone calls with BlueCoffee, I finally began to snap out of this organization-overdrive.

There is, I would say, no correlation between organization and saving time. Some of us just work slower, some are less able to isolate themselves from their environment.

It basically became very clear to me what I really wanted to do with myself and how to stop this organization madness. Unfortunately, without it, my grades are starting to slip. I might be a “better person”. I do find myself facing my incompatible wishes and slowly my super-ego dissolving and making less descisions. The former view, which accepted self-help books, now rejects standards, ideas, laws and roles and substitutes it with something else.

At the same time, I can’t convince myself of all sorts of things. The result of less self discipline. I also find it much harder to read, listen to records all the way through and stick to a single task.

My advice, don’t “get organized”! Your superiors are going to go nuts, but at least you don’t sell yourself to the whole bureaucracy.

Actually, I’m quite sick of organization. All I really want is just to run around aimlessly in grassy meadows and not think about anything. Society is all about normalization. Not very pleasant.

Oh what fun, riots at Ungdomshuset. The government screws you over, you attempt to compensate, but the government screws you back big time. Great, just great.

Early in the morning, during a class with marginal importance, my phone rings. Or actually, vibrates. Message. “The police is taking over the house.” - “Your house?” - “No. Ungdomshuset.”

Didn’t sound like much, obviously. I’m used to that person, whom I shall refer to as Violet. I’m used to Violet doing weird things, potentially risking her life, and yet cringe to the sight of gore in action movies. She’s quite a feminist though, and as a matter of principle likes to cross the line of gender differentiation on a regular basis, thus committing violent and potentially destructive acts could also stem from that; as well as genuine political interest.

At around 7 o’clock, I look at my phone. New mesage, “the police just threw tear gas.” If I wasn’t worried just yet, the time pretty much came at that point. I replied, and waited patiently.

In the meantime, I became restless and worried. At some point I considered paying a visit to Nørrebro, but quickly dropped the idea. It’s not a matter of life and death, my preserce wouldn’t change much, I don’t want to impose my own ideas on anyone - it’s better to stay at home.

The caffeine buzz sure didn’t help me calm down. I waited and waited. After sniffing around, I tried to calm myself down by trying to figure out whether there had been any casualties. So far so good, nothing. Though reportedly, people were injured - no good.

Eventually, I sent her a message, to which she replied within a few minutes. Everything was fine. Got chased around by the police, sprayed with tear gas, etc. Wouldn’t it be better to just quietly disperse? Maybe if things got that bad, perhaps violent conflict wasn’t the answer?

Violent conflict is rarely the answer. Which is what the layman simply does not understand, or does not internalize maybe.

I hope they’re all having fun down there at least, because otherwise it’s mostly futile.

I was however displeased with people wrongly labelling the riots as “anarchists.” Opposing the shut down of a community lot has got nothing to do with not wanting a governing force. If anything, it’s probably the other way aronud. It made no sense to shut the place down, especially with so much resistance. At the same time, I don’t believe violence is justified. Et cetera.

Well, I’ll get busy shooting random civilians and spraying them with tear gas, potentially arresting them.

Every now an then I get to see someone I know taking the same bus as me. Every time, and by that I do mean every time, it’s the same story. I see them, and they pretend no to see me.

The first time it happens with someone I give them a little tap on the shoulder. They might say hi and stop continue to ignore me. The second time I’ll try to make my presence known indirectly. Afterwards, I’m just going to ignore them until (and if?) they talk to me first.

So that’s what happened today, only that this time must have been the seventh time or so, which is very frustrating. Would it be anti-social to start ignoring people just because they like ignore me? On the contrary, it’s the right thing to do. Here’s why.

By ignoring me, and I think I’m pretty hard to miss, they’re just telling me, that I’m not worth the effort involved in saying “hi.” Do I get offended by it? Hell yes.

I think that just ruined the rest of my week. Fortunately it’s Thursday, so it’s not that much of a problem.

Hopefully that person, whose name I will not mention, will read this post and in the future at least try to say hi.